So what do they say about me??

I grabbed a magazine from the hotel we were at last night for something to read on the plane. It was a local magazine, featuring hot spots and such for the area. Sometimes you get lucky and find a good article, and the "Northern Michigan Men's Magazine" (yeah, I didn't know that Northern Michigan had its own Men's Magazine) happened to have a great article about performance reviews at work.

Most of the article gave pointers on what to do on your next performance review, and how to make sure you are indispensable in a recession. The good stuff, though, was quotes that had been submitted to them from actual performance reviews from around the nation from many different corporations. They are funny. Here are a few:

"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom in his performance and has now started to dig."

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

"He has got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."

"If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he is the other one."

"The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

"It's hard to believe that he beat 1 million other sperm to the egg."

"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

Now these are supposedly from real reviews, which hoefully isn't true, although I am sure we all have a few coworkers that we could fit these statements with. Makes you wonder what they are writing when they evaulate you though, huh?